Affirmation

It was the most stunning bird I had ever seen. And that still stands. Majestic and Rhapsodic, I was sure it was one of its kind. Wasn’t this the first time I was truly enraptured by a bird? Birds, creatures I had been watching for a long long time! Everything it did pleased me. As it introduced itself chirping and jumping about the branches of the peepal next to my window, I could feel it’s free spirit taking me over. I wanted to equate it to me.

It was the season of waiting. I would stay put at the window every morning in the hope of another conversation with my friend. And did it turn up each day to make me feel like it was going to last forever. It was the most refreshing activity of the day, my meeting with its majesty. It spoke little but I was certain it understood my admiration. I believe it basked in the attention. Each day I wished I could watch it more closely. Although the hints of opening up remained a constant, it never came too close. It always maintained its enigmatic appeal. If one day I discovered it could open out its fan tail and enthrall me with its ‘dancing around the trees’ act, the next day it would surprise me with its exotic display of color. Wasn’t that a crimson and pista green patched coat that I saw! Oh! And it is larger than I thought it is. Aha, and that’s what they call grace. But all of it, Peek a boo.

I wanted to draw close. I wanted to catch its attention. I tried everything in the book to get noticed. Grains, peanuts, chillies, guava, fish, meat. In vain. It seemed happier pecking away the woods. My friends grew in number. Those that feasted on the treat I laid out became regulars. I also gained an agitated set of neighbors who could not tolerate the noise.

It may sound crazy, but I thought it yearned to meet me just like I did. I was foolish. The bird was loved by all. I wasn’t the only one on the window next to the peepal tree. It was my one-track mind that tricked me into believing that it was just the two of us. My neighbors, the same agitated set, they were in the picture too. They were one with me in their admiration for the bird. They lived by the peepal too. They waited every morning for their darling too. And so it was an affair that involved not just the two of us but a whole bunch of “others”. Realization dawned.

Did that matter? I would like to believe it didn’t. But then I would be lying to say I didn’t feel depressed to know that there were “others”. Was I being possessive ? No. Because I didn’t possess it anyway. But there was something amazing about the “imagined” exclusive nature of my bonding with the bird that knowledge of the crowding killed. Was I shattered? Maybe I was. Because I decided to call it quits. I returned back to the routine. There was no more waiting. It was good once again. Till that day.

I cannot believe I have slipped into that thing again. But, I had no options. One fine morning, the bird was all mine. It paid me an exclusive visit. It woke me up with its song at my window. Affirmation it was!

Have I gone into a loop? Yes. I have. Am I being foolish? Maybe I am. But till there is a “break” I’ll go on.